Review: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!

Sometimes B movies try to take themselves way too seriously. Directors think that the movie is the big break they’re looking for and instead of having fun with it, they end up looking silly. What makes Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! so fantastic is that it is self aware and often exploits its own grade. Just one look at the opening credits reveals this. In between actual opening credit shots are furniture ads and a “space available” sign. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! is a great example of what the B movie genre can really be. There is no exploitation, no sex, and no excessive violence, just an amusing story full of quirky humor and the generally bizarre.

While much of the movie is nonsense, the plot sticks around for at least forty minutes (far longer than I remember it doing), and maintains some plot threads even after the rest has degraded. The movie follows two separate stories, that of White House Press Secretary Jim Richardson as well as Federal Intelligence Agency agent Mason Dixon and his covert team. Like any good Press Secretary, Richardson’s job is to try and spin the tomato attacks in such as way as to save face for the President. Mason’s job is to investigate the source of the tomato attacks and try to stop them if possible. While hot on the trail, all of Mason Dixon’s team is killed except Lt. Wilbur Finletter, a saber wielding man in a jumpsuit and a deployed parachute (yes, he wears the parachute for the entire movie). In the end, it turns out that Jim Richardson is the mastermind behind the diabolical tomato plot and that he is essentially a “tomato whisperer.”  He hopes that when he stops the attack the surviving people will make him their leader. Richardson meets a disagreeable demise at the business end of the overeager Lt. Finletter’s saber. Naturally this unpleasantness happens just as Richardson was about to tell his secret for controlling the tomatoes.  Eventually the tomatoes are stopped by Mason Dixon’s quick thinking, and the aid of an awful pop song called “Puberty Love”. It had been many years since I’d seen the movie and my memory didn’t serve justice to this bizarre and twisted plot.

Press Secretary Jim Richardson’s journey is one of the more bizarre, yet amusing portions of this movie. His quest begins with a conversation with the President (who is endlessly signing his name on pieces of paper with different pens). Richardson then travels to San Francisco, which is dubbed New York, to recruit the help of a Madison Avenue ad executive.  The exec bursts into a musical number halfway through their interview. The ad campaign they come up with is so ridiculous that it would be unbelievable, except that I’ve seen some really bad commercials in my time.

The best part of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! is all the little details. Scrolling ads appear on the screen from time to time.  Near the end, the ad type is interrupted by a caps locked plea for help as the typist is apparently eaten by a tomato.  I had to rewind the movie to watch the actual scene, since I was paying attention to the ad the first time.

At one point in the movie there is a Congressional Committee meeting in which all of the congressmen are named after former US presidents such as Polk and Fillmore.  For screen writing this terrible (and it really is) the puns and innuendos are amazingly clever. My absolutely favorite scene involves a briefing in a room that is far too small for the number of people who are in it. People are forced to crawl over each other and the table in order to get to their seats or to get up in front of the group to speak. There is also a Japanese scientist who is dubbed very badly, very intentionally.

Aside from the main plot, there are some other great moments throughout the movie. There is a very convincing helicopter crash in the opening scenes of the movie that I love (Turns out it was actually a real crash, so that explains why it’s so convincing.). The oversized tomatoes actually look pretty good. They are smooth and shiny just like real tomatoes, just much larger. Also, I love the little grumbling sounds that the tomatoes make as they go on their killing spree.  

A surprisingly realistic tomato… except for its size, of course.

Of course Mason Dixon has his obligatory love interest, in the form of reporter Lois Fairchild. Lois’ contributions to the movie are limited, though she does have a couple of amusing moments. In her introductory scene, she says hello to a passerby named Clark with a red cape sticking out from under his coat; and later the movie wraps with a warped version of a stereotypical love scene.

Once the plot devolves, the movie becomes a little difficult to follow. May of the scenes seem to have little relation to the ones that came before and even less to the ones that come after. The movie eventually breaks down into a random group of weirdos stomping on tomatoes in the parking lot of San Diego Stadium.

This is not an uncommon problem for B movies. They often start with a great premise and are able to maintain in for forty five minutes or so, but they then need to fill another 30-45 minutes with scenes that often feel made up on the spot and are not at all in line with the rest of the movie. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! ranks as one of my top favorite B movies of all times. Not only was it a good movie, but it has spawned several sequels, including one with a very young George Clooney (a review for another day), and a 90’s cartoon series. A definite watch for any fan of B movies. 4 Death Stars.

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Filed under Andrew Hales, Movie Reviews, Movies

Editorial | The Batman is Dead, Long Live the Batman

So you may have heard the news… there’s a new Batman in town.  Ben Affleck, of mixed Hollywood reviews, has been signed to play the caped crusader in the sequel to Man of Steel, which will feature both Batman AND Superman.

The internet reaction to Affleck’s casting has almost been visceral.  Twitter was aflame for most of the first day with angry fans declaiming the franchise.  Honestly, I see their point.  Affleck’s breakout starring role was in a movie he co-wrote with his best friend.  It would make sense that he would seamlessly morph into his character in Good Will Hunting, since the movie takes place in Affleck’s hometown of Boston, and features the places and social norms with which he grew up.

After the 1997 instant hit, however, Affleck’s career became a series of boring (and sometimes nameless) roles in ridiculous movies—and yes, I include Pearl Harbor among those.  In 2003, the actor spandexed up for the first time in the title role of Daredevil.  The movie did pretty well at the box office, but tanked in critic and viewer reviews.  His performance in this last superhero movie seems to be the main talking point for Batfleck haters.

To be completely fair, the early 2000’s were not kind to superhero movies of any kind.  Does anyone remember the first X-Men movie from 2000?  Hulk, which came out the same year as Daredevil?  Still, although there were other terrible comic book movies in that half of the decade, Daredevil was still a pretty awful representation.

While I don’t actually see any fans of the decision, a few people have actually tried to defend the move, citing Affleck’s recent move to the director’s chair with movies like The Town.  Here, I again have to point out first that The Town  would have made a TERRIBLE comic movie, and that it was also set in Boston—Affleck’s home town.

I find it telling that typing the words “Ben Affleck batman” into Google gives me 106,000,000 hits, and the headlines read:

Ben Affleck’s So-So Batman” (Daily Beast)

3 Out of 3 Former Batmen Agree: Ben Affleck Will be Fine” (Wired)

Matt Damon Defends Ben Affleck’s Batman: ‘You Know He’s Not Playing King Lear” (Huffington Post)

Matt Damon is secretly hoping to be cast as Robin…

Even those defending the casting decision point out that Affleck will be ok.  They say that the franchise will be fine.  Life will continue on.  No waves will be made.  Affleck will not do anything amazing with Batman, but neither will he destroy the movies.

Ultimately, I think that this is the best that any DC comic fan is going to be able to look forward to in the next few Batman movies.  To be perfectly blunt, Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight brought an unparalleled level of brilliance to Batman.  Until his spectacular three-movie feat, DC’s comic movies have been mediocre at best.  With his departure, Batman will subside back to what it was before him.

Do you agree with the Warner Bros. decision?  Let us know in the comments!

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Filed under Editorial, Movies, Tracy Gronewold

Fit 4 Con Update: Week 9

I don’t know what it is about coming back to day shift, but I find that I am more sleep deprived when I’m working normal hours. Due to this messed up sleep schedule, I did not make it to the gym this week. That’s not to say I wasn’t active though. I made sure that I was up and active as much as possible, at work and at home. Turns out sweeping the floors is a pretty good way to keep moving. I’ve also been watching a friend’s dog, so taking him on walks has also helped. In the end I haven’t lost any weight, but I’ve maintained my weight. Now that we have a three day weekend and I can finally get back to a normal sleep schedule, I can get back to the gym and start moving that scale lower. 39 days to NYCC and I’m looking good.

Oh Yeah!

Ain’t I pretty?

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Filed under Fit 4 Con, Geek Life

Around the Web August 30, 2013

With Marvel announcing that James Spader will be playing Ultron in 2015’s The Avengers: Age of Ultron, we at Therefore I Geek felt it fitting to start off this week’s Around the Web with a short history of Ultron, coming to us from the good folks at Wired.com.  Ultron is one of my favorite Avengers villains.  The whole idea that he is basically Hank Pym gone completely mental appeals to me, especially when Ant Man and Wasp are a part of the Avengers.

james_spader

Seriously though, this guy is a homicidal robot?…Okay, maybe they’re on to something here.

Apparently Nintendo has decided it’s time to move backwards in technology. Nintendo is releasing a new 2DS, which is basically their 3DS, only without the 3D functionality.  As well as the 3DS is doing, I have to wonder why they’re doing this.  I have a 3DS and while I rarely use the 3D, it’s still pretty cool to have from time to time, especially for cut scenes.

On the up side, Nintendo did put some thought into the system and reviews say it has a good feel and balance, which is important in a handheld console, though it doesn’t fold like previous systems.

Thanks to Miley Cyrus’ antics at the MTV’s Video Music Awards this week, twerking has now made its way into the Oxford English Dictionary. You might ask yourself why this is worth of your attention, and the following video would be the reason why.

Morgan Freeman could narrate just about any part of my life, and I would love every minute of it.

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