Author Archives: Andrew Hales

Editorial | Review: Much Ado About Nothing

Angel fans, rejoice!!  Fred and Wesley have finally gotten their happily ever after!!!  Ok, not really—but I still felt a little twinge of rightness in the casting of Benedick and Beatrice in Joss Whedon’s Much Ado About Nothing.  Here’s the good, the bad, and the ugly of this film according to me.

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Together at last!

The first scene made me instantly cringe and prepare for a long hour and a half—awkward speech and several actors deliberately not looking at the camera gave me that “indie” feeling—but the instant that Alexis Denisoff (Benedick) opened his mouth—the second scene he was in, for those counting—all anxiety fled.  This man was made for the boards!  His delivery was spot on, and his facial expressions and body language completely clarified any contextual issues in a form of English that is five centuries old.

Amy Acker sparkled as the witty, aggressive Beatrice.  It is a character that can easily appear abrasive, but that is not a word that can ever be applied to Acker.  The dynamic between these two characters completely overtakes the primary plotline, which is the rocky road to marriage for Claudio and Hero.

Whedon, unable to leave his mark on the script, instead brands his work with brilliant direction and non-speaking asides.  Notably, Beatrice mocks Benedick during an interlude by a fire pit, and repeatedly brushes away the amorous advances of the man sitting next to her with barely a thought; Leonato, worn out by a two day bender, falls asleep in the middle of Claudio’s formal request for his daughter’s hand, and is sharply woken by Beatrice; the watchmen, recast as Don Pedro’s private security, lock their keys in their car and become frantic.  Another brilliant move was in casting Conrade, henchman of Don John, as a woman.  This allowed for an interesting twist in their relationship (pun entirely intended), and made Don John appear even more depraved.

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Because Nathan Fillion.

I occasionally felt that the dialogue could have been enunciated more clearly—several lines were lost in conversation—but considering how meticulous the Bard was about infusing his plays with tongue-twisters and puns, this is understandable.

The fact that the entire film is clearly a summer party and that it was filmed in the director’s own house, gives it a feeling of intimacy that is unusual for Shakespeare.  Ultimately, I left the theater feeling not as though I had just watched a Shakespearean play, but that I had just watched a group of funny, witty people carry out a party weekend in Elizabethan English.  Very funny, very witty people—and I want so badly to be friends with all of them.  Much Ado About Nothing is sweet, sexy, subtle, and smart. I highly recommend it.

“The play’s the thing…”  Yes it is, my dear Joss, yes it is.

Four out of five death stars.

4 Death Stars

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Review: Much Ado About Nothing

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We all know I’m a comic geek.  In addition to this however, I’m also a fan of Shakespeare.  I started reading the Bard’s works in fifth grade starting with Hamlet and Macbeth.  As I’ve gotten older, I’ve also come to really love modern interpretations of the plays.  Among my favorites are Scotland, PA and 10 Things I Hate About You, and now I’m quite happy to add Joss Whedon’s Much Ado About Nothing to that list.

Probably the most distinctive thing about a Joss Whedon movie is the script.  Anyone who is at all familiar with his work knows that his writing has a very specific feel that is immediately identifiable.  Joss’s choice to use the traditional Shakespearean script instantly removes his most notable trademark and raises a self-imposed challenge —one that Joss hurdles almost effortlessly.  Instead of adding his quirky sense of humor to the back and forth banter of the characters, Whedon leaves dialogue to the master and inserts himself into the direction of characters and the addition of small, non-speaking scenes.

It is obvious in several scenes that Whedon is providing very specific physical directions to actors to make best use of the existing dialogue and to enhance the scene through their performance.  Although I find Shakespearean comedies funny on their own, these new directions that Joss provides take this to a whole new level.

During one particular scene Benedick is listening in on a conversation between several other characters.  While it would be simple enough to have him hide behind a bush or something similar, Joss instead has Benedick doing all kinds of ridiculous things to hide including lying flat on his stomach in the grass while trying to use a rather inadequate tree branch as cover for his face. The other characters are obviously aware of what is going on, but ignore him and continue with their conversation. I have no idea how any of these actors were able to keep a straight face while these crazy antics were going on just behind them.

One of the non-speaking scenes that added to the film takes place between two of the security guards. Thanks to the many conversations we’ve witnessed between them, we are already well aware that they are not overly gifted in matters of the mind, however to further reinforce this impression, this little scene shows the two of them searching for their keys, only to realize they locked them in the car.  This scene is completely unnecessary but it adds so much to the characters. It allows for the quick glance deeper that Whedon is known for, without saying a word.

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Nathan Fillion would like it known that he is an ass.

I would be remiss if I failed to mention the casting of this film.  Made up of many Whedon alumni, the cast works just as it should.  Unlike Shakespearean tragedies, the comedies feel more like an ensemble.  Despite having plenty of recognizable faces in the cast, there are no divas, and no true standouts.  This is not to say that none of the cast stood out, but more to say that the cast as a whole was amazing.  While I have no doubts there were several outtakes due to dialogue, I can’t remember any points in the film where the sometimes difficult Shakespearean English tripped up the actors.  It was all delivered cleanly and in a manner which helped make the often muddy much clearer.

I think the most telling thing for me is that I have almost nothing negative to say about this film.  Although I did have a moment of trepidation at the very beginning due to the seemingly stereotypical “indie film” opening scene, this was cleared up within another minute.  There were one or two times that I didn’t care much for the way a particular camera angle was used or that the music may have been a bit too menacing, but this was all so minor that it didn’t take away from the film as a whole.  Let’s be honest, if all I can find to complain about is a couple of camera shots and a minute or so of music, this is definitely a home run and damn near a grand slam.  Whether you are a fan of the Bard, of Mr. Whedon, or both, this film is definitely worth checking out. I already have plans to add it to my Blu-Ray collection.

5/5 Death Stars

5/5 Death Stars

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Review: The Toxic Avenger

toxie one sheet

Of all the companies that make B list movies, none have quite the following that Troma has. Their name has become synonymous with campy, hypersexual, and blatantly graphic (though unrealistically) violent films. While they are also known for such “classics” as Nuke ‘Em High and Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD, the ultimate Troma film has to be The Toxic Avenger.

What makes The Toxie Avenger so great is that it came out in the 80’s, at a time when the genre of B movies had declined to an all-time low. By the end of the 70’s many of the higher end B movies were being made into A movies with bigger budgets and more well-known casts. What was left was dredged up from the bottom of the post-censorship rules barrel. These films were increasingly cheap, violent, and just plain bad. The Toxic Avenger came out right in the middle of this decline, as the epitome of what the genre could be, part bad comedy and part low budget horror film.

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A weakling, weighing 98 lbs…

The plot of the movie begins with Mervin, the mop boy at the Tromaville Health Club, enduring considerable amounts of torment from a homicidal twenty-something with ‘Roid Rage named Bozo.  He is tossed out a window where he lands in vats of toxic waste and is transformed into the horrifically mutated Toxic Avenger (lovingly referred to by fans as “Toxie”).

After his terrifying transformation, Toxie begins to hunt down all of the town’s evildoers, which obviously includes his former tormentor, who has taken to running down children in the street in his free time.  As Toxie works his way through the series of evil people he wants to take out, he finds rather creative ways to kill off the dredges of society.  Three thugs involved in a robbery meet particularly disturbing ends involving a milkshake mixer, a deep fryer, and a pizza oven respectively.  Of course, since every movie has to have a romantic side, Toxie has a love interest who is blind (something like Alicia Masters in Fantastic Four.).

This had to hurt, just a little.

This had to hurt, just a little.

For a low budget film, this is pretty fabulous. It has all the things I want to see in a B movie from that time period. Despite their best efforts, the acting is terrible. In the fast food restaurant robbery scene, one robber tries so hard to look intense and intimidating that his body tenses and his eyes bulge almost out of his head. I was concerned he was going to have an aneurism! The primary antagonist, Bozo, suffers from what one can only assume are steroid induced mood swings that left me both stunned and laughing. I wish real steroid users were this amusing. Even Toxie is not immune to the bad acting plague going on in this movie. Melvin is barely able to open his eyes or deliver lines and after his transformation, Toxie’s voice is dubbed in so poorly that even fans of the terrible voice dubbing in Godzilla films would be appalled.

Complementing the terrible acting are the less than impressive sets. The love shack in which Toxie and his love interest set up looks like something made by kindergarteners with paper mache. Other sets look like someone dumped an office trash can in front of the wall of a sound stage in an attempt to depict a garbage strewn alley that falls more than a little short. Most trash filled alleys I’ve seen (and having lived in New York for several years, I’ve seen my fair share), are far from white drywall with crumpled paper and food wrappers lightly strewn about.

The fight scenes are a particular source of entertainment. Filled with terrible martial arts and quick cuts, in a vain attempt to portray action, these scenes had me almost in tears from laughter. Any time a gun goes off, blood squibs are used in a liberal fashion and to very little effect.

Eventually Toxie’s actions earn him the ire of the corrupt, local officials who want to see him taken down. The movie ends, as many movies of this genre do, with a big scene in which the army is called up and a mass of men in uniform with surplus equipment show up on scene.  By the end, Toxie resorts to using his hands to pull unidentifiable organs out of the town’s rather bloated mayor.

This goes bad, quickly.

This goes bad, quickly.

Toxie has over the top violence, a German scientist with an atrocious accent, one of the worst sex scenes I’ve ever witnessed(Watchmen is still worse), and a car chase with the crappiest cars they could find, all things adding to The Toxic Avenger’s imperfect perfection. The one thing I was truly impressed with was the amount of army surplus equipment they managed to scrape together. While some of the shots may have involved the same trucks driving past the camera more than once, there were also an old tank, several jeeps and trucks, and a whole mess of machine guns. For a movie of this caliber, it is quite a spread. I can’t think of a better choice for my introduction to Troma’s B movie library.

3/5 Death Stars

3 Death Stars

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Editorial | Internet Slang: My Quest for the Perfect Retort

Ahh, the fascinating world of internet slang! Both impressive in its scope and absurd by its nature, this satirical style of commentary captures my attention completely. I relish oddities and foibles more than I can say. There is a great line in Jane Austen’s book Pride and Prejudice regarding Lizzy Bennett: “”[She had] a lively, playful disposition, which delighted in anything ridiculous…” That line is me. Not only do I love to read internet slang, but I thoroughly enjoy learning to use my favorite phrases correctly.

Typically, my method begins when I see a phrase that seems concise enough to suit the grammar Nazi on one shoulder and snide enough to satisfy the sarcasm genie on the other. For instance, “seems legit” was a perfect phrase for me. I found it deliciously snarky and yet short and sweet. For such a little phrase it packed a punch, and I knew as soon as I saw it posted as a comment under a glorious, badly photoshopped photograph that this was my new idiom.

Here is the thing, though: once I find a phrase I wanted to express properly, I cannot just slap it onto just any status update or picture. It is imperative that I use the expression correctly. Sarcasm can very easily be misunderstood or (far worse) sound awkward. Usage must be perfectly timed and correctly implemented.

The hunt was on! I kept my eyes peel for woebegone status updates by teenage females believing they will never find true love, an image of the President holding an upside-down telephone, or Pamela Anderson’s bosom.

My first attempt with the phrase was on a silly meme of a Scottish bagpiper. While technically the phrase would apply, I could feel the wrongness as soon as I pressed the submit button. Sure enough, the deafening silence of the internets confirmed my suspicion that my usage had been awkward and I slunk away from my laptop, shame-faced.

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No one would even have known this was photoshopped if it weren’t for the slight variation in pixel sizes.

My next opportunity came when a Facebook friend posted a rant about her job and how she planned to quit the next day. “Seems legit,” I commented cheerfully. Sadly, I was shot down by seven of her girlfriends who were miffed at my carefree attitude. (I do want to point out that my “friend” did not quit her job the next day.)

Finally, my chance arrived. An Instagram friend posted a scanned photo of himself cut out and copied onto a postcard style photo of a surfer riding a monstrous, perfectly shaped wave. Success!! My comment was the very first response and was liked a whopping twenty seven times! Pleased with myself, I closed my laptop, folded my hands behind my head, and leaned back with a sigh of happiness. Victory was mine.

Last week I noticed someone on the internet using the word “feels” to mean strong emotions. Not sure what that’s all about, but I think I want to use it…

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