Monthly Archives: July 2013

Review: The Toxic Avenger

toxie one sheet

Of all the companies that make B list movies, none have quite the following that Troma has. Their name has become synonymous with campy, hypersexual, and blatantly graphic (though unrealistically) violent films. While they are also known for such “classics” as Nuke ‘Em High and Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD, the ultimate Troma film has to be The Toxic Avenger.

What makes The Toxie Avenger so great is that it came out in the 80’s, at a time when the genre of B movies had declined to an all-time low. By the end of the 70’s many of the higher end B movies were being made into A movies with bigger budgets and more well-known casts. What was left was dredged up from the bottom of the post-censorship rules barrel. These films were increasingly cheap, violent, and just plain bad. The Toxic Avenger came out right in the middle of this decline, as the epitome of what the genre could be, part bad comedy and part low budget horror film.

Melvin

A weakling, weighing 98 lbs…

The plot of the movie begins with Mervin, the mop boy at the Tromaville Health Club, enduring considerable amounts of torment from a homicidal twenty-something with ‘Roid Rage named Bozo.  He is tossed out a window where he lands in vats of toxic waste and is transformed into the horrifically mutated Toxic Avenger (lovingly referred to by fans as “Toxie”).

After his terrifying transformation, Toxie begins to hunt down all of the town’s evildoers, which obviously includes his former tormentor, who has taken to running down children in the street in his free time.  As Toxie works his way through the series of evil people he wants to take out, he finds rather creative ways to kill off the dredges of society.  Three thugs involved in a robbery meet particularly disturbing ends involving a milkshake mixer, a deep fryer, and a pizza oven respectively.  Of course, since every movie has to have a romantic side, Toxie has a love interest who is blind (something like Alicia Masters in Fantastic Four.).

This had to hurt, just a little.

This had to hurt, just a little.

For a low budget film, this is pretty fabulous. It has all the things I want to see in a B movie from that time period. Despite their best efforts, the acting is terrible. In the fast food restaurant robbery scene, one robber tries so hard to look intense and intimidating that his body tenses and his eyes bulge almost out of his head. I was concerned he was going to have an aneurism! The primary antagonist, Bozo, suffers from what one can only assume are steroid induced mood swings that left me both stunned and laughing. I wish real steroid users were this amusing. Even Toxie is not immune to the bad acting plague going on in this movie. Melvin is barely able to open his eyes or deliver lines and after his transformation, Toxie’s voice is dubbed in so poorly that even fans of the terrible voice dubbing in Godzilla films would be appalled.

Complementing the terrible acting are the less than impressive sets. The love shack in which Toxie and his love interest set up looks like something made by kindergarteners with paper mache. Other sets look like someone dumped an office trash can in front of the wall of a sound stage in an attempt to depict a garbage strewn alley that falls more than a little short. Most trash filled alleys I’ve seen (and having lived in New York for several years, I’ve seen my fair share), are far from white drywall with crumpled paper and food wrappers lightly strewn about.

The fight scenes are a particular source of entertainment. Filled with terrible martial arts and quick cuts, in a vain attempt to portray action, these scenes had me almost in tears from laughter. Any time a gun goes off, blood squibs are used in a liberal fashion and to very little effect.

Eventually Toxie’s actions earn him the ire of the corrupt, local officials who want to see him taken down. The movie ends, as many movies of this genre do, with a big scene in which the army is called up and a mass of men in uniform with surplus equipment show up on scene.  By the end, Toxie resorts to using his hands to pull unidentifiable organs out of the town’s rather bloated mayor.

This goes bad, quickly.

This goes bad, quickly.

Toxie has over the top violence, a German scientist with an atrocious accent, one of the worst sex scenes I’ve ever witnessed(Watchmen is still worse), and a car chase with the crappiest cars they could find, all things adding to The Toxic Avenger’s imperfect perfection. The one thing I was truly impressed with was the amount of army surplus equipment they managed to scrape together. While some of the shots may have involved the same trucks driving past the camera more than once, there were also an old tank, several jeeps and trucks, and a whole mess of machine guns. For a movie of this caliber, it is quite a spread. I can’t think of a better choice for my introduction to Troma’s B movie library.

3/5 Death Stars

3 Death Stars

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Editorial | Internet Slang: My Quest for the Perfect Retort

Ahh, the fascinating world of internet slang! Both impressive in its scope and absurd by its nature, this satirical style of commentary captures my attention completely. I relish oddities and foibles more than I can say. There is a great line in Jane Austen’s book Pride and Prejudice regarding Lizzy Bennett: “”[She had] a lively, playful disposition, which delighted in anything ridiculous…” That line is me. Not only do I love to read internet slang, but I thoroughly enjoy learning to use my favorite phrases correctly.

Typically, my method begins when I see a phrase that seems concise enough to suit the grammar Nazi on one shoulder and snide enough to satisfy the sarcasm genie on the other. For instance, “seems legit” was a perfect phrase for me. I found it deliciously snarky and yet short and sweet. For such a little phrase it packed a punch, and I knew as soon as I saw it posted as a comment under a glorious, badly photoshopped photograph that this was my new idiom.

Here is the thing, though: once I find a phrase I wanted to express properly, I cannot just slap it onto just any status update or picture. It is imperative that I use the expression correctly. Sarcasm can very easily be misunderstood or (far worse) sound awkward. Usage must be perfectly timed and correctly implemented.

The hunt was on! I kept my eyes peel for woebegone status updates by teenage females believing they will never find true love, an image of the President holding an upside-down telephone, or Pamela Anderson’s bosom.

My first attempt with the phrase was on a silly meme of a Scottish bagpiper. While technically the phrase would apply, I could feel the wrongness as soon as I pressed the submit button. Sure enough, the deafening silence of the internets confirmed my suspicion that my usage had been awkward and I slunk away from my laptop, shame-faced.

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No one would even have known this was photoshopped if it weren’t for the slight variation in pixel sizes.

My next opportunity came when a Facebook friend posted a rant about her job and how she planned to quit the next day. “Seems legit,” I commented cheerfully. Sadly, I was shot down by seven of her girlfriends who were miffed at my carefree attitude. (I do want to point out that my “friend” did not quit her job the next day.)

Finally, my chance arrived. An Instagram friend posted a scanned photo of himself cut out and copied onto a postcard style photo of a surfer riding a monstrous, perfectly shaped wave. Success!! My comment was the very first response and was liked a whopping twenty seven times! Pleased with myself, I closed my laptop, folded my hands behind my head, and leaned back with a sigh of happiness. Victory was mine.

Last week I noticed someone on the internet using the word “feels” to mean strong emotions. Not sure what that’s all about, but I think I want to use it…

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Around the Web July 12, 2013

It’s time for another awesome Friday’s Around the Web wrap up.

Game of Thrones author George R.R. Martin is not impressed with the Iron Throne depicted on the HBO series. While I still think it looks pretty badass, George disagrees and he is, of course, the expert.

Iron-Throne-Game-of-Thrones-

Please don’t kill another Stark because of me! Please!!!!

An announcement from the co-founder of Pirate Bay. Peter Sunde is now working on an encrypted messaging app that will supposedly make messages unreadable to the Big Brother folks over at the NSA. At least in concept this is pretty cool. The end-to-end technology is fascinating.

I will admit to being a bit skeptical though. This is all coming from one of the founders of Pirate Bay, a site which is used to trample on copyright law all the time. I hate to say it but while it may be more disturbing when the government does it, it doesn’t matter if it’s a private person or a government agency, breaking the law is still a problem.

Lastly, a rather interesting article from Wired.com talking about people shopping from that place we all go to from time to time.

Funny-toilet

Not surprisingly, more and more people are shopping from their toilets and those online retailers who are working to improve their tablet/phone apps are the ones best able to take advantage of those shoppers in the “thinker” position. This is the kind of thing that worries me a little (ok, a lot!) about the future of the human race.

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Review: Queen and Country Definative Edition: Vol. 1

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Americans have a bizarre fascination with almost all things British. Maybe this comes from our history as formerly rebellious subjects of the Royal Majesty, or maybe it’s just because we think British people talk funny. Very near the top of British things we love is anything having to do with British spies. Americans have made twenty three James Bond films for crying out loud. If that’s not an obsession, I don’t know what is. In the realm of comics, the 007 role is filled by Queen and Country by Greg Rucka. While Bond shows the life of spies as glamorous (is there really a glamorous side of a spy’s life?), Queen and Country is closer to reality and is full of fantastic and intriguing details that make for a wonderful page turner.

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Sorry Sean, it’s just too good to be true.

Queen and Country is unlike most comics in several ways. Written in short arcs, each story is a stand-alone tale involving a particular mission undertaken by the MI-6 operatives Tom Wallace, Tara Chase, and Edward Kittering (called Minders 1-3 respectively) under the leadership of Director of Operations (D. Ops), Paul Crocker. Although Chase is the primary protagonist (even though she is Minder 2), the other Minders and D. Ops all get plenty of time in the spotlight and seem to hardly be secondary characters. Writer Greg Rucka very skillfully shows the difficulties these characters are forced to go through, both physically and mentally as they try to protect Great Britain from all of its foreign enemies while trying to maintain their humanity. The reality of the intelligence community is that it often stresses people beyond the limits of what most people can endure and then ask them to sacrifice the very things that make them able to cope with this stress. Rucka’s adroit use of these types of details make it easy to believe that he is telling true stories relayed into comic book form. Queen and Country provides an extraordinary look into the world of international espionage while still holding on to the human element in the lives of the Minders.

Queen and Country Definitive Edition: Vol. 1 consists of 3 stories, “Operation: Broken Ground,” “Operation: Morningstar,” and “Operation: Crystal Ball.”

“Operation: Broken Ground” deals with the assassination of a Russian arms dealer by Chase and the fallout afterwards. After a successful post-assassination escape, Chase must deal with Russian hit squads coming after her as well as the guilt she has from killing another human being (even if he did deserve it). I found starting off the series with a character study like this to be a rather daring choice. What makes it even better is that it is very well done. I found myself asking how I would respond if I were in the same situation.

Of the three stories in Volume 1, I was most amazed by “Operation: Morningstar,” which tells about how Minders 1 and 3 are trying to retrieve intelligence that had been obtained by a recently murdered journalist in Afghanistan. To an audience today this doesn’t seem to be all that out of the ordinary as Afghanistan has been a part of lives for the last twelve years. What makes this storyline so incredible is that was written and published pre-9/11. It is a spy story taking place in Taliban-controlled Afghanistan, and shows the terrible conditions and treatment by terrorists of the people living under their heel—and it was all written before September 11, 2001. The foresight revealed in this story is both stunning and rather unnerving. The story itself is well written and has a great sense of suspense and intrigue.

The final story, “Operation: Crystal Ball,” involves a defector trying to give details of a terror plot and the race to prevent the attack. The first issue of this story also shows us how the characters deal with the events of 9/11 and its impact on their field in particular.

The art for each of the individual arcs is pretty good. While frequently on the cartoonish side, the black and white illustrations rarely seem out of place and are typically very easy to follow even during action sequences with very little dialogue. The Definitive Edition also includes some great one page splashes from Tim Sale between issues. Something that is rather helpful to new readers is the character roster that is included before the start of each story arc. Since the art changes with every new story—and sometimes in the middle of a story—this roster is useful in helping readers identify characters.

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Tim Sale’s amazing depiction of Tara Chase.

These changes are my only real complaint. I would have liked to see a bit more consistency from arc to arc. This might be a result of reading all the stories in a combined format the way I did, but the wildly different styles, though all well done, made this feel much less cohesive. Using artists with similar styles would have provided a more unified feel to the whole collection.

After finishing Queen and Country Definitive Edition Vol. 1 all I wanted was more. I want more of these characters, more adventures and more political intrigue. I’ve already picked up the next volume and it is on the top of my reading stack. I would recommend this to anyone who is looking for a comic outside of the normal superhero genres or anyone who loves spies and political intrigue.

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Filed under Andrew Hales, Comic Reviews, Comics